The Revenge of Willy Rose

from by Keppie Coutts

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I used to be a teacher in a sweet little town
Where everybody knew each other’s interests
you couldn’t grab a drink or wash your hands in the sink
Without your fingers getting wet in someone else’s business
It was nice, and infuriating
Ahyahyah ayayay
They’re all keeping secrets hidden away

I taught the kiddies at the local school
I wouldn’t call myself overly strict
But sometimes the best type of education
Is a sting on the knuckles with the sharp end of a stick
Oh there’s always some parent complaining
Ahyahyah ayayay
They’re all keeping secrets hidden away

Willy Rose was in my class, he was quiet and pale
The other kids would tease him, pretend to be kind just to be cruel
And right after that they would sneer behind his back
You’d never believe what little horrors were at this school
And the devious plans they were always making
Ahyahyah ayayay
Children keep their secrets hidden away

Little Stacey, Stacey Gables
With curly blonde locks atop her head
She put a shiny copper thumb tack right on Willy’s seat
And laughed so hard that her body went all red
It was mean enough to deserve retaliating
Ahyahyah ayayay
They’re all keeping secrets stuffed away

But I don’t think anybody saw what was coming next
It was just so orderly in this corner of the world
But little Stacey Gables turned up dead in the stables
she had choked on a chunk of her own golden curls
Her body all blue and beyond resuscitating
Ahyahyah ayayay
They’re all keeping secrets hidden away

And Lionel Cobbett, a vile little hobbit
I saw him stuff the dead squirrel into Willy’s locker, I must confess
It stayed there all week until the whole building wreaked
And poor Willy Rose had to clean up the mess
No one could blame Willy for hating him
Ahyahyah ayayay
They’re all keeping secrets locked away

Then Lionel Cobbett went missing for a week
He was finally found resting down by the lake
He looked so peaceful sitting up in the branches of a tree
But the squirrels had nibbled out the eyes from his face
That’s when suspicions began circulating
Ahyahyah ayayay
They’re all keeping secrets whispered away

Yes Willy Rose was conveniently absent
When Gershwin and Keith were found frozen
floating beneath the wrong side of the ice
That night a party started to bring Willy Rose in
The police found Willy about to burn my house down
Ahyahyah ayayay
That kid had a secret he had to let out

The cops rushed in and stopped the flames erupting
Everyone thought that was the end of the case, until
they saw a curly lock of blonde hair on my floor
And took a look around down inside my basement
They found quite a lot of stuff coagulating
Ahyahyah ayayay
We all keep our secrets buried away

Little Willy Rose was as innocent as a peach
He must have seen me cleaning up down by the lake
It was me all along, and I know you think it’s wrong
But children are honestly just the worst
And there’s literally billions of them on the earth
A few less in Mad River shouldn’t really hurt
Ahyahyah ayayay
A few more little secrets tucked away

The food in here is bland, but I don’t make it so that’s grand
It’s swell to sit in a cell in silence alone
If I’m being honest with you, which I can’t help but do
I feel a lot better in a class all of my own
They tell me that I’m beyond rehabilitating
I think that’s okay, I enjoy the medicating
When they locked the me in the cell, I didn’t need persuading
No more little ratbags disobeying
I find the lack of stimulation liberating
If I never see a kid again, I’ll keep celebrating
Ahyahyah ayayay
We all keep our secrets
Ahyahyah ayayay
We all keep our secrets


from The Mysteries of Mad River, released September 15, 2017


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Keppie Coutts Sydney, Australia

Blend the mellow tones of Norah Jones with the quirky pop of Feist and the fire of Ani DiFranco into a Chagall painting, and you get Keppie Coutts. Keppie's tunes are earthy, sophisticated, and direct - heart-squeezing, uplifting, and sometimes hilarious. ... more

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